Experiences of Older Mums

Jane, 45 - Update (27 March 2010)

Jane's son Tristan was born à la natural, @7H20 on Wednesday 24 March 2010. He's in good health and so far all is well with mother, dad, son & the new big little sister!

Jane, 45, France - Pregnant and Due in 7 Days! (Posted 18 March 2010)

I naturally conceived my fourth child, due any day now, just before my 45th birthday. Like a number of moms on your site, I’ve remarried three years ago and this will be our second child (I have a 20 & 18 year-old from my first marriage and we have a four year old, which I had at 41). I haven’t had an amniocentesis, due to risks, so yes, I’m a bit concerned as to the outcome, but so far all tests were encouraging, though not ruling out the possibility of down’s or other syndromes.

I don’t know how other older moms felt or feel who have previously had children, but every time is a new experience and during every wait for the delivery I’ve been anxious and hoping it will end, of course to be able to feel relieved of the weight, but also to see and hold what will likely be my last child (a boy I’ve long waited for despite that I already have a son-I have a boy & two girls in that order).

I want to encourage women to hold out and try to have children naturally. There are risks and you may suffer losses and trials, I lost my first child at age 23/24 and two more after my four year old, just before conceiving the one I’m carrying now. Despite this, trusting God and hanging in there without focusing too much of your life on having a child I believe, will reap results! My experience has encouraged friends who are still trying to conceive their first child and hopefully this testimony will as well.

Remember to that so many children need parents who may not be their biological parents, and though there is a special feeling that comes with going through nine months plus of pregnancy and then labor to bring forth a human being, the real challenge and joys come in raising that child (and that is a whole different matter and no piece of cake!)

Marsha, 42 - Having Jordyn

I cannot tell you how blessed I felt to have discovered I was pregnant at 42. Not that I had been trying, mind you. I had been divorced from my sons’ dad only three years, and was finally getting my life and body back. I was looking forward to being the mom of two preteen boys and focusing on my career and the next phase of my life.

Turns out the next phase of my life was going to include being a mom once again. I was madly in lust with an amazing man seven years my junior whom I had met at a business conference. Our connection was intense and immediate, and I felt deep in my heart that he was the right man for me. Despite having no experience with him to back that notion, I am somewhat embarrassed to say that we spent a wonderful weekend together over New Year’s 2009 and that is when we conceived. I felt a bit like a 17-year-old having to call him two weeks later to say I was pregnant.

I had experienced implantation spotting and tender breasts even before I could test positive. Once I confirmed my suspicions, I got on the phone. Well, actually I texted and HE called me on the phone. It was early Sunday morning. It only took about 15 minutes of awkward conversation before he was totally elated and making plans to move to my hometown. He was onboard with being a dad to my boys and to his baby too. He had told me he was worried about finding the right woman and he wanted a family. He said I met every characteristic in a woman that he had been seeking for years, though until he had met me he honestly thought she did not exist. I was very happy.

This was his first experience becoming a dad and I so enjoyed seeing this pregnancy through his eyes. The first time he saw our baby on the ultrasound, a little squirming seamonkey at 9 weeks, he got so choked up. You could tell that little black and white screen made all this real for him. We wanted to know as soon as possible about the health of our little one, so we had the CVS test done at 10½ weeks. The genetic counselor was so positive and upbeat. She said many women my age, especially with my healthy lifestyle, were having babies that were just perfect. She told me to ignore the numbers, which said we had a 1:50 of having a “chromosomal abnormality.” She said to look at it like we had a 98% chance of having a healthy child. The procedure went without a hitch, though I was holding my breath the whole time. And I continued to hold my breath, so to speak, until we got the call that all was well, and that we were having a girl.

I was in the best shape of all my pregnancies with number three. My doctor told me I was one of her healthiest patients. She also told us how blessed this little girl would be with doting, attentive parents like us. My soon-to-be husband was at every appointment with me, and the doc encouraged our boys to attend a couple of times as well. The boys got to use the ultrasound on my tummy to track the baby, and they thought that was great fun. Every ultrasound showed a strong pulsing cord, a great wiggly baby and lots of amniotic fluid for her to swim in.

I had only two funny reminders of my age throughout my experience. First, my chart was flagged on the front cover as AMA—advanced maternal age—which meant my tests were more numerous and were monitored more closely. The other was when the system was generating my paperwork for short term disability right before I was to give birth. The primary reason for my absence was listed as “Elderly Maternity”. Sheesh, isn’t that an oxymoron? My doctor and I laughed for quite awhile about that one.

I did gain 45 lbs, but at 190 when I gave birth, I still weighed 25 lbs less than when I had either of my sons. No gestational diabetes like the other two pregnancies, no heartburn. My birth experience was uneventful, with baby arriving via c-section like both her brothers, though she was the smallest at 8 lbs 5 oz. I was back home within 2 days, my choice, as I get much better sleep at home than in the hospital. I used some ibuprofen for pain for about three days, then I was fine. I shed water and initial baby weight of 30 lbs in 30 days and exclusively breastfed my daughter for her first five months. Now she is eating real food and nursing too.

To kick those last 15 lbs, I have started running again and plan to run a half marathon by August, when my daughter will be just short of one year old.

I have many friends whose children are graduating high school and going off to college, and even some who are becoming grandparents. I am so happy for them, but I wouldn’t change my life for anything. Having a young child keeps me young, in mind, body and spirit. My husband and I are building this incredible, respectful and indescribable relationship on a foundation of love of family and serendipity. My family is complete.

Suzanne, 46

What a wonderful website you have. I just wanted to share my story of getting pregnant naturally at 46 with no pills, diets, medical procedures etc. My husband is 13 years younger than I am.

My husband and I got married in 2008 in Europe and this was his 1st marriage (no children) and my 2nd with three beautiful children (24, 22 and 13). I was a widow for years and finally found the love of my life!

My husband at first didn't really care about having a child between us as my grown children were like his own and best friends, but seeing other young ones in the family made him want a child as his parents didn't have any grandchildren and his brothers were still all single in their late 30's.

I prayed and prayed. Then one day I met this older couple like ourselves and a bit of an age span. I asked them both how long to get pregnant as she was 8 months and childless for 8 years and also in her mid 40s. She said to us both, “Don't think about it....and after your spouse is finished simply insert a tampon inside you to hold his bodily fluids inside the uterus.” Well I listened to her. I never thought about it and each time I would just lay in bed

with a tampon handy by the bed ready to be inserted after we finished lovemaking.

Finally, in September in 2010 I missed my period. OMG...I was in shock but very scared of a miscarriage, so I waited until December to tell my husband on his birthday. We then went to the 1st OBGYN appt, which confirmed I was having a BOY. My husband went crazy; he was sooooooooooooo happy. Our son Andrew was born on June 13, 2011.

Andrew is perfect! No health problems, perfectly developed and now 3-months-old!! I wanted to take the time to send this blog to your site to give other couples hope that a baby is possible. Maybe this is something new with the tampon and not thinking about it where maybe the stress comes off your mind, but this helped me surely conceive!! I wish everyone the best of luck trying.

Posted 4 October 2011